Provoked

one thing that can really provoke my anger...

when i take a lot of efforts to do something good to others...
and they simply neglect...
not only that, they give their bullshit stories for doing that....

Human beings are really a stubburn animals...
so addictive to their normal life... that they don what to step outside, to see how different the world is...
and these people talk about "out of the box thinking"...

as i am typing this i can still see that the anger is still in me...
This anger has spoiled my perfect day...

Im Back....

I am starting it all over again...

I started blogging for one reason...
To communicate my thoughts to one person...

But now...

I am going to do it, to be expressive...

I am taking this to next level...
Planning to convert this as my platform to exibit my interest in photography...
Well i am going to start in few weeks to come...

I always wanted to show the world how i see the world, through the lense...
And also express my love for the nature through it...

And about that one person...
I can express and confront directly...
i dont need a medium to talk to such a close and sweet person...

Isnt that true Nosy...

Blogging

Blogging is no more an interest of mine...

want to quit...

I think this is my last Blog...

For people who have visited my blogs...

Thank you and sorry...

Embrassing Moments!!!

A lot of thoughts running in my mind today...
At the end of the day, embrassing moments dominated my mind...


"Todays moments of embrassment"


Moment 1:

I asked him to get me pasteries (not that i dont spend but just with a right)...
He could have said no...
Instead he just got a box of pasteries for his newly found friends and just left the place...
He dint say even a word...
I felt ashame and mean (i got a cheap look from the server)...
I still went buying it and acting as if nothing happened...
I think my darling noticed that.. she looked into my eyes...
I was trying to hide from her (May be my eyes cant mask as much as my face does)...
She even went on to question me about the incident...
U now how a man would feel for that...


Moment 2:

After coming back to hostel...
The same fellow came to my room...
I was chating with my class mates...
He asked me where was Mr. V...
I said 'i don Know'...
He asked me to inform Mr. V to get ready (now why the F**K are u saying all this to me)...
I asked where r u going...
He said its none of your business (later on i came to know they where going to H2O)...
An insult in front of so many third people...
After all i never asked him to take me along with him...


Do i deserve all that...
Have i become so worthless...
Am i so mean...
Or is that i am not a nice person to be nice with...

People impact one's life so much...

I have ditched people...
and now i am getting ditched...

Friends of mine who always used to hang around with me, is now no where close to me...
Infact they start behaving like i never existed and treat me like a stranger...

I know that i hurt people but i dont insult and embrass like this...

At the end of the day i feel so drained...
though i am strong at mind, i feel weak at heart...
People prick my heart...
A heart that is already hurt...
what joy do they get...
now what shall i do with them...


Is it true...
That Friends stay with u when u r in real need...
That Friends forgive ur mistakes...

What ever at the end of the day i don feel great...
and that is the fact...

In a way its good that i am no more committed to these people...
Nor do i have to really care for them...
Dirty Bastards...

Why to Lie!!!

why do u lie to me...

u call me ur best buddy...
u say that u don hide anything from me...
but u don speak the truth...

it hurts me...
not that u love someone...
but it is just that u don acknowledge that...

be with anyone u want...
even hide everything from me...
but not like this...

I did read your messages...
i admit that...
i feel shamefull for that...
but u prompted me to...

plz don ever say that i and ur jaanu are same...
don tell me ur finger rule theory...
they all are lies...
plz don say all that when u don mean it...

I will prefer to be hurt...
than to be fooled...

There are very few people that i trust...
but they don stand by that...
its hard to take that u too are one among them...

u make me disappointed...

Confession!!!

Yet another sleepless night…

Why did U live me…
Can’t things be the same as it used to be…

My life is meaningless without U…
Life without U is hell…
Take me away from this hell…

Don’t you know how much I love U…

I cry for U…
I want U back in my life…
I long for your affection and love…

Come back…
Give me ur shoulders to rest upon…
Hold my hands and walk with me…
Fill in my deserted heart with U…

Forgive me for my mistakes…
Give me one more chance…

Life to Me!!!

Life…

It is one of the strange & beautiful subjects that one can think of…
Today I feel like talking about it…



Each & everyone of us have our own concept of life…
I do have, not one but many…


I would like to share one version of it…




Life…


It is Space & Time between two instances…
Instance of Birth & Death…

Birth is where we begin our journey…
Death is where it ends…

Every Birthday anniversary is a milestone….
Milestone that leads to destination…


On our journey…
We pick up experience…

Experience of love, joy, sadness, affection, attraction, addiction, anger, hatred, etc…
Experience that teaches to live life…

Life gives us knowledge…
Knowledge that is obtained through experience…
Knowledge that makes our life better…



So what is the purpose of life???

Purpose of life is…

To learn and let learn…
that makes our life better…

To enhance the richness of life for u and me…
that makes this world a beautiful place to live…



So keep urself open to all experiences…
Teach what u learn…
Live every moment..
All these adds colour to ur life and that of people around u…

Weak Legs....

Overburdened with thoughts...

Stressed physically and mentally...

Tired to the last cell of my body...



Legs are weak...

Same with the heart...



Oh lord...

Give me strength...

Strength to face...

To face the tomorrow's Ugly and Beautiful World...

With Hope... I Love... My Dear Faith...

An album of thoughts...

These picture captures My Life and Style ....

A collection of pictures from net which i can relate to my current life...

My wants...

Desires...

Moods...

Dreams...

Emotions...

My life...

Almost everything that i am today...

Made Mad of love…

I love to…




Sit next to you…

Looking at your beautiful curves…
Watching your lips speak…
Hearing your sweet voice…
Listening to your childish talks…
And getting more crazy of you…




Walk besides you…

Looking into your eyes…
Holding your hands, Rubbing your shoulders…
Smiling at dirty and naughty talks…
Touching your secret parts here and there a little…
Arouse with joy and happiness inside…
And more…




To have you in my bed…

Seeing the complete of you and me…
Feeling the whole of you with my lips…
Being united with body and soul…
Showing you my love and seeing that in your eyes…
Feeling my manliness deep inside you…

Holding you close to me, as part and parcel of me…
Sensing your heart beat all across my body…
Feeling what you feel…
Listening to you, mourning of pain...

Waking up at dawn to find you in my arms…
Seeing your beautiful body, reflecting sun rays…
And…
Falling more in love with you…




Life without you makes me incomplete…

Here I stand today with the smell of you...
Wishing and asking to make me complete...

Making me complete with u...
My dear janu…

Hating to Love…

I hate…

When I lie to you…

When I act in front of you…

When I cheat you…

When I sin against you…

I do all that…
Just to be with you…

To be with you watching all you do…
To hold you close to my heart…

I hate myself…

To love you like I will never again…

What’s Next???

God!!!

Why did you do this to me…

Getting me so close to her…
And realizing no where close with her…

Showing me my completeness in her…
Yet keeping me incomplete…

Making me shower all my love…
And finding it worthless…

Showing me Heaven…
Just to drop straight down into Hell..

Why???

Is it to show me the difference…
Difference of 'Living Dead and Alive'…

What’s next…

Lost Self !!!

I don knw why...

Not feeling great these days...

Feel very bored...

Feel like i am worthless...

Tired of living with self...

Feel like taking a break n going to a place that is silent and vacum...

A place where i can be with myself...




Living with people is really tough..

U got to hate, love, trust, comfort, forgive, praise, get sick, get angry of some one or other...

Need to recieve all that from the other person as well...

Seems pretty much virtual...




I lose all balance of my life...

Getting into all bull shit habbits...

not feeling great bout it, still carrying it...

what do i do...

I am sick and tired of all this....

One day i am going to blast everything...

Just walk out of the life structure that i have built for myself...



Can i really do this...

Not possible...

For my life values prevent me from doing that...

Whatever...

I will just wait for things to improve...

Till that let me hold on tight...

Sins Of God's Own Country...

Bulls and Buffalos...
Humble creatures sweat their blood to serve humans...
When they cannot sweat anymore their blood is shed...

Loaded to truck, all of them tied together on a jam packed space...

With..
No shelter..
No food..
No water..
Not even place to sit

under sun..
under rain..
days and nights they travel..
without knowing the reason..


They are sold to butchers of my place...


Its hard to see pain and tire in their eyes..
I wish I could help them..

But I just pass by as if I noticed nothing..
I am a gut less person..
Like Coward and timid..
I just passby watching them suffer…

Hard to see how cruel people are..
Calling themselves people of God's own country...
Dirty Bastards…

Blood Suckers…
They not only kill these innocent lives…
They also kill my proud..
And my ego of Belonging to the so called God’s Own Country..

Its Soooo NICE....

Half filled stomach...

Sipping Hot Chai...

Breathing fresh air...

And walking on the Street on cold nights....

After the rain...

When the shops are shut....

Seeing the far end of the road through distant street light...

Watching the beauty of Black roads relfecting lights...



A lonely walk...

Waw!! kya bath hai...

In Search Of Peace

On a troubled path, no peace of mind…. Today I wonder in search of peace…

Seeking Silence & Peace…
Leaving my home…
With hopes.. I am going to a place to get what I seek for…



On The Way…

Painful thoughts in mind….
Hiding them from family…
I Drive on the Highway…

Used to enjoy driving on countryside before…
But today I don’t…
Loss of interest seems to exist in everything I do…

They call it a bandh today…
Streets are deserted…
So is my heart…

Stoped the car at a motel.. to have lunch…
I miss her so much… feel like listening to her voice… called her… did not receive…
Had lunch half hearted…
Back on wheels…



At the temple…

Reached the place at 5pm…

Called her back…
My desire to listen to her voice, desperate…
Finally got to speak to her…
She seems disinterested…
Think I am disturbing her vacation…

Took shower… went to temple…
Watching elephants makes my mind clam…

To Goddess, offered my simple prayer..




My prayer…

Devi..
Thank you for your darshan…
I have one wish… I put that forth as a humble request to you…

Devi..
I want to come back again…
With my love as my wife…
Bless me with my wish… Grant me my request…
Please…



On The Way To My Native…

Lush green trees… Fresh air… Cool breeze… Sky top mountains…
Wet roads… White blanket of mist…

What a Feast to eyes…
A Beautiful place…
People call it God’s own Country…



A Conversation of How People are…

Listened to a lot of stories, that happen these days…

Relation with people are not strong these days…
Everyone with self motives…
Today I don find any shoulders to rest..
Nor any arms to comfort.. when I am in real need…

People close to heart cheat on me..
Like leaches feeding on my flesh and sucking blood..
I cant hate them…
Those beautiful days with them keeps my love for them alive…
But my trust and respect for them is lost forever…

I was happier when I had nothing much…
Wealth brakes beautiful bonds…
Cant do anything about it… I am Helpless…



Walking Along My Countryside…

Smell of Coffee beans, Cardamom seeds, Vanilla sticks, Wet soil, Tea leaves…
Enriching my senses…

Fragnance of my Sweet heart along with these will make this place a heaven…
Enriching my life…

Darkness covers the place…
Watching the moon rise out of mountains…
A silent good bye to the place…
I left the place…




On The Streets of Hill station…

Set out to shop for my darling…

The place lit with colorful lights…
A cold night with plenty of foreigners…
A lively place…

Bought her something that I promised her long back…

Listening to music played on street…
Tasting home made chocolate…
Enjoyed a long stroll…

Slipped back in room at 11:30pm when everybody were as sleep…
Called up room service… ordered for a coffee…

Standing on the balcony sipped the coffee…
The place looks beautiful... coffee tastes great…
I wished she was with me at this moment…




Back to Home…

Done with my trip…
Everyone is tired…
They all are asleep…

Hands on steering…
Mint in mouth…
With Music on…
Back on my job… Driving them back safely to home…

Visit to places…
Gives me trust to regain my lost hopes…

First time I feel that they enjoyed more than me…

What about Peace???

Peace…
:)
Not so soon… Long way to go…

An Evening at My School

After a long time, I am back at my place….



Wanted to see my school....

I drove my bike, towards my School…

School that I spent 14 years of my life…

I have seen all major changes that my School experienced during those days….




The evening is brisk and silent, buildings reflecting dim light…

I hear the trees singing of mild breeze…

The wheels of my bike slowed down and stopped in front of the school gate….

Eyes were fixed looking at the campus….

Lips did not speak…

Lungs took a deep breath…




I can still see and hear my friends playing… school bells ringing… all of us running to class room… listening to lectures…

I still feel my school life…

Today my eyes seek all those past events…

But they are no more…

For I have moved far away from that…

It has been 6 years since my departure from the school

Today on arrival..

I see my School, changed so much

So is my own life…




My school still looks so beautiful…



Image of my school blurs.... not for the darkness but for the mist…

Mist collected in my Eyes…

Lip smiles…

The memories of my school life are very sweet but cannot be expressed…

My heart feels heavy with a sense of loss…

Loss of a beautiful and innocence life….

Today I stand outside the gate looking at my school inside….

Today all that we share in common is only our past life…

And I miss all that….



Not waving a Good Bye…

I turned and walk back in silence with some thoughts in mind….

Thought says…

“Nothing is eternal… For everything is subjected to change…”

:)

simple Call of FoRMaLiTy !!!

An interaction between two.....

Reciever: Good Morning...
Caller: Gooood Morning...



R: How r U....
C: I am fine... Where r U...
R: I am at college, i just came at 9:30... So whats up with U....
C: After i came back last night, i had a long shower, then my friend called me up (its P___ i think), disturbing my sleep, talked to him, went to bed at 1 o clock... i had a disturbed sleep in morning... taps where on... U____ was getting ready to go to office.... i was lying dead on bed all this time and woke up at 10....



R: Good....
C: Hey!!! U know G____ who got hosptialised was operated of appendix...the appendix got bursted... other girls in hostel are going to visit her at hospital.. I am going along with them....



C: Hey!!! whats up with U...
R: Fine... I am preparing for the exam with music on...
C: What r the other guys doing...
R: They r preparing for exams in reading room...


C: How much has N______ has done...
R: He has done 5 chapters and revising them...
C: Good yar...
R: Hmmm...
C: So what r U going to do now...
R: will go and start reading...
C: After coming back from hospital i will also start preparing...


R: So going to have coffee at hospital...
C: hey!! yes... yupee... coffee... do u want to come with me...
R: is everyone coming with u..
C: no we will go alone...
R: O.KK... at what time...
C: hmm.. u don know G___ na... then u don come...
R: ok..
R: come back and read.. don postpone to last moment...
C: ok sir...


C: chalo then...
R: Hey!!! happy valentines day...
C: (smiles) tell this to N_____
R: (smiles) sure...
C: ok then i will keep the phone now...
R: ok... Bye...
C: Byeee...


Hung up...


A formal call to an informal friend...


A call to catch up with latest happening...


A call that i alway seek for....


A call that keeps me alive these days...

Recieve & Transfer...

Caution this post will be boring if not understood properly...

Enjoy reading otherwise...



I wonder what life is all about...

Sometimes i am happy...
Sometimes sad...
Sometimes confused...

When I look into deeply I see that...

My life has two parts..

One part is the Heart - a solution seeker...
The other is Soul - a solution provider (some call it mind)...



Heart is deeply sunk in this materialistic world..
It loves, it hates, it accepts, it rejects and so on...
Heart gets carried away by the wave of life events...



Soul is a silent learner...
It has clear thoughts..
It show up when it is required..
Simply speaking, Soul is the inner self...



My heart has this question...


Why is my life like this?

Hatred...
Sorrow...
Troubles...
Pain..



:)
Soul says...



My Dear Heart...

U want to hold certain things close to ur heart..
U assume that they are urs,But the fact is that they were never urs

U know what my sweet Heart..

U actually own nothing in this life..
Neither a person nor the relation of that person...
Absolutely nothing...
There is no one to cry or laugh for U...
U r just another atom of this universe

All that u do in this life is...

Recieve and Transfer...

U Recieve something that u want....
And u transfer to those who want of what u recieve...

U recieve because U transfer...

But u know what u do...

U Give all that u have to one person...
and U expect to recieve everything that the other person has...

but the other person will take what he/she wants...
and will give what they want to give u...

U might give security, company, love and so on to one person...
but that person will take what that person has not got..
If the person recieves love from some other source...
then ur love is worthless for that person..
only the other things r worthy for that person...

One will take things till it is of worth..
when it is no more worthy, they will take no more and will not give u what they have, anymore...

So my dear Heart...
Give what u have to those who seek for it...
take what others give u without out expectations...
thats the way of life...

I know this hurts..
It is hard to accept..
But U have to...
For U have left with somemore time in this world..
and the world requires U to follow it..

So go with the flow, sweet heart...

For U and U only

My sweetheart complemented today...

She said...

She feels safe and sound...
under the umberla of my tender and love..

She said...

When she sees Sun..
She remembers Soman..

My poor heart feels so rich...
even i can love and care for a person so much..

Darling..
Thank you...
Thank you for filling my heart with love and livelyness...

I still have so much to shower..
its all for U and only U..

Hey about sun and soman..
i will try to be modest about that..

She loves me...

The one most beautiful heart and soul that i have ever seen...
She is my princess of life..
I fall in love with her...

She loves me too...

As a mother who loves her son...
As a Daughter who loves her dad...
As a Friend....
As a Human Being..

She loves me..

My desire to have this love, everlasting...

I want her to be with me..
as my everything for this life time..

O lord..
I cry..
I beg..

I will reach skies..
For if she is a part of my life...

Strange Sparkle

I live in a world which is cold, dark n dead....
I walk alone in the dark....

I walk with no purpose....
but for a bunch of thoughts....

The world is empty...
For I feel nothing...

What am I exploring...
I dont know...

What is my home like...
I dont know...

Why do i live...
I dont know...

Far at the end.... I see a Sparkle...
I start walking towards it..

it is blissful..
it is warm...
it shows me the path...
it throws light to my world..
But not a part of my world...

i see myself through its reflection..
i feel myself new n different..

is this good?
is it going 2 hurt?

I don know...

here i stand confused with a choice to make....

Can u hear me !!!

Things change very fast....

I can sustain with change...
but i cant change....

cause that is me...
thats my identity...
thats my purpose of life..

it challanges my reason for existance....

I feel like i have no one besides me....

O lord!! Where r u?
Where is ur love?

For i am diseased....
For i am dead....

I want to resurrect from life and I want to be Extinguished....

I cannot burn out to bring light..

I feel hurt... I feel pain...

I feel like Stabbed...
I cry from my stone heart...

It makes me more hard...

I admit my defeat....
I cannot take it anymore....

Give me peace....

Take me with u....

For I choke.....
For I need rest.....
For i am alone.....

Today i rest with hopes...
Give me strength to live tomorrow...
To make a difference....

Love u....
with an expect of being loved back....